Ashes to Fame: The Making of TV’s Sexiest Man
He was raised by a 15-year-old mother who was later tragically killed in a case that baffled detectives for decades.
Such a trauma could easily have broken him. Instead, this star built an impressive career in Hollywood, eventually earning the title of one of TV’s “Ten Sexiest Men.”
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A Key Witness to His Mom’s Murder
On October 26, 1961, in Waterbury, Connecticut, a future Hollywood heartthrob was born. His parents were Catholic teenagers: Diane, an Italian-American who was just 15, and Richard, a 17-year-old Irish-American. They named the boy Mark.
Sadly, his parents separated before Mark even turned two. By the time he was five, he had lost his mother entirely. Diane was shot in the head in February 1967. Although our star did not visually witness the moment of the shooting, he was a key witness to the events surrounding it. Just moments before the gun went off, Mark had been forced out of the house by his mother’s boyfriend, a known gangster and heroin addict.
Police and paramedics rushed to the scene, carrying Diane out on a stretcher with a fatal gunshot wound to her heavily bandaged head. For decades, her death was officially ruled an accidental shooting, but that narrative would change in recent years, unveiling shocking new details.
“I’m not happy that all this happened to me, but I learned from it,” he once reflected.
Following their mother’s murder, the future Hollywood star and his sister were sent to live with their maternal grandmother, Avis, in Waterbury, Connecticut. It was a rough, working-class neighborhood, and he recalls that his family was one of the few white families living in the area.
Feeling Awkward as a Teen
As a teenager, he felt awkward and out of place, often joking about his “Dorothy Hamill hairdo.” To build his confidence, he began mimicking his acting idols—icons like Marlon Brando and Humphrey Bogart—adopting their mannerisms and style.
Meanwhile, his father was living a vastly different life, running the West Fourth Street Saloon in Greenwich Village, New York City.
“Dad was essentially a 21 or 22-year-old bachelor, just trying to find himself,” the actor explained during an interview with Irish America. “It just made sense at the time for me and my sister to stay with my grandmother rather than go with my Dad.”
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As a teen, Mark frequently worked at his father’s bar, helping by serving drinks and breaking up fights. By then, his dad, Richard, was known to the locals at the West 4th Street Saloon as “Mac.” Starting at age 13, Mark spent increasing amounts of time with his father, progressing from busboy to waiter, and finally to bartender.
“I was not big. I’ve been punched out many, many times,” the actor told Movieline magazine in 2000.
For a time, Mark even shared an apartment with his dad, absorbing the sights, sounds, and characters of the bar scene and learning about life from behind the counter.
The actor recalls that he and his father were more like brothers than father and son—hardly surprising given that his dad was only 17 years his senior. They shared many wild times together—perhaps too many—filled with late nights, constant activity, and older women.
Eventually, his father decided it was time for his son to have his own place. Soon after, it was time for Mark to begin a new chapter: his acting career.
His Father’s Third Wife Changed Everything
When Mark was 15, he gained a new stepmother who would alter the trajectory of his life. His father’s third wife, the famous playwright Eve Ensler, saw something in her stepson that convinced her he had genuine potential as an actor.
When Eve suggested he pursue acting, something clicked. He remembered serving actors like John Belushi, William Hurt, and Ray Sharkey, who frequented the bar where he worked. Mark thought, “Wow, what a life.”
He told his father he was leaving the bar life behind.
“My old man was always supportive; he never questioned it,” he remembered. “He always believed in me, he just said, ‘Go ahead and do it.”
Mark soon landed a role in one of his stepmother’s Off-Broadway plays. His father supported him financially through Fordham University, where he studied drama.
He later joined the prestigious Neighborhood Playhouse, performing in numerous productions, including one opposite Joanne Woodward. His performance in Neil Simon’s play Biloxi Blues caught the eye of a casting agent for Hamburger Hill, effectively launching his professional career.
The Sad Truth Behind the Name Change
Over the years, Mark has frequently praised his stepmother, and it is evident they shared a profound bond. She influenced not only his career but also the name by which he would become famous.
At one point, Screen Actors Guild (S.A.G.) regulations required Mark to change his professional name. He chose “Dylan,” partly as a tribute to the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, but also due to a personal family story that left a lasting impact.
“My father was going to have a baby with my stepmother and they were going to use the name Dylan,” he explains. “But there was a miscarriage, so the name kind of fell to me.”
It was a name born of both loss and love, serving as a reminder of his deep connection to the woman who helped shape his life. Since then, the world has known him as Dylan McDermott. Yes, we are talking about the Law & Order: Organized Crime star who has built a formidable career in Hollywood.
His credits include major projects like Olympus Has Fallen, American Horror Story, and Steel Magnolias. He also won a Golden Globe in 1999 for his role on the legal drama The Practice.
In addition to Emmy nominations and a Golden Globe win, Dylan has been recognized as one of TV’s “Ten Sexiest Men” by People magazine.
Wife and Children
regarding his personal life, the American Horror Story alum married actress Shiva Rose in 1995. They met in a coffee shop, and he reportedly fell for her instantly. Interestingly, Rose once told People magazine that when she first saw the “handsome actor,” she wasn’t interested at all.
However, once he spoke, she realized there was more to him than just looks—he was poetic and eloquent, and she was drawn in.
The couple had two children together, Colette and Charlotte. Charlotte was born in 2005, and her older sister Colette arrived nine years earlier, in 1996. After 12 years of marriage, the star of The Practice filed for divorce in 2008, citing irreconcilable differences. Court documents revealed that the marriage had been strained for some time, as the couple had been separated for a year prior to the filing.
McDermott, a recovering alcoholic who has been sober since 1984, later began dating his Stalker co-star Maggie Q. In 2017, the couple stated they were in no rush to hold a formal wedding ceremony. However, after a four-year engagement, they announced their split in February 2019.
Despite Dylan McDermott’s brilliant career, a struggle has always simmered beneath the surface. The tragic story of his mother, Diane, haunted the actor for decades.
Solving the Mystery of His Mother’s Death
Diane died on February 9, 1967, when Dylan was just five years old. For years, the circumstances surrounding her death remained a mystery.
In 2011, while visiting Waterbury for a fundraiser, Dylan met with Waterbury Mayor Neil O’Leary and Police Superintendent Michael Gugliotti. He raised questions about the cold case, prompting investigators to discover that many of the original files were lost or missing, which complicated efforts to uncover the truth.
Diane was right-handed, yet the fatal gunshot wound was on the left side of her head. Diane’s boyfriend at the time, a low-level mobster named John Sponza—who reportedly had connections in law enforcement and may have served as an informant—was linked to the case.
The police uncovered evidence that both Diane and young Dylan had suffered abuse at Sponza’s hands. Dylan “vividly recalls” several occasions when Sponza threatened him with a gun, telling him to “Shut up and get out of here,” according to Gugliotti.
Police Superintendent Michael Gugliotti was shocked by the extent of the abuse the family had endured.
“Sponza [told] the police that night that he very rarely, if ever, had arguments, yet everyone we spoke to, including Dylan, who was only five at the time, remembered very violent, vicious arguments,” Gugliotti said.
Autopsy records later revealed that the gun found near Diane’s body was too small to have caused the fatal wound.
Never Faced Justice
Police eventually reclassified her death as a murder and concluded that Sponza should have been charged, not only for Diane’s death but also for two other unsolved homicides. Sponza never faced justice; in 1972, his bullet-riddled body was found in the trunk of a car in Waltham, Massachusetts.
Dylan’s sister, Robin Herrera, was only seven months old when their mother died, so she does not carry the same vivid memories of the tragedy.
She stated, “I’m happy to know my mother wasn’t mentally ill or depressed. Somebody took her from us; she didn’t leave us.”
Dylan himself has largely remained private about the case. He told police that he had kept the memories buried in order to survive and achieve success in his career.
“He said, ‘In order for me to survive and to get where I am today, I needed to bury that moment in my life deep within myself,” Gugliotti shared.
How It Shaped Him
For Dylan McDermott, the loss of his mother shaped him profoundly.
“When you lose a parent young, it hardens you for life,” he said in 2000. “I have good memories of my mother. When you lose a mother so early, it’s all you have.”
“There were entire parts of my childhood that I wouldn’t recommend to anybody, for me as an artist, if I can use those parts in a positive, constructive manner, if I can keep the memory of my mother alive in my work, then it’s a good thing,” Dylan said.
I have always admired Mr. McDermott, and I truly hope the renewed investigation into his mother’s death brought him some measure of peace. It is remarkable that he never gave up—and that he was ultimately the one responsible for uncovering the truth. This is something the police should have resolved decades ago!
Thank you, Dylan, for all the unforgettable moments you’ve given us on screen and for sharing your difficult journey with such honesty. We hope to see much more of you on our screens in the years to come!