A lonely 70-year-old widow decided

A widow advertised for a husband her age who wouldn’t hit her or chase other women—and who was still good in bed. The next day, a gray-haired man arrived in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. When she questioned his suitability, he smiled: without legs, he couldn’t run around on her; without arms, he couldn’t beat her. Then came her final question: was he good in bed? His grin widened. “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Meanwhile, a woman celebrating her seventieth birthday challenged a hotel’s $250 bill. The manager defended the price by listing the pool, conference center, and entertainment. She hadn’t used any of them. “They were available,” he insisted. She handed him a $50 check, explaining she’d deducted $200 for sleeping with her. “But I didn’t!” he protested. Her reply turned his own reasoning against him: “Well, too bad. I was here, and you could have.”